Down the Wing

A few months ago, I looked over to my friend and said, “If Trent goes to Madrid, I wonder if he’s prepared himself to be booed at Anfield.” And here we are, still debating the merit of boos from Liverpool fans (though not at Anfield) a couple weekends ago.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve sat here thinking through how I feel about it, and I’ve decided that there can’t be one single way to view this reaction. There’s too many emotions involved to look at this purely logically.

Before we get to it, I think it’s so important to consider the emotional connection people build with their favourite sports teams. Liverpool Football Club isn’t simply a team people watch and cheer on. Liverpool FC is a community… it’s a family. We celebrate together, commiserate together and even mourn together.

Trent has been a part of that family in one way or another since… birth? He knows how deep the emotions are for a Liverpool fan because he’s one. He joined his boyhood club and dreamed of being a legend… a leader.

But life changes. Dreams change. And we’re seeing that once-boy, now a man, decide his dream has changed. Who are we to tell him to stop?

Trying to Understand

Does it sound dramatic to say we’re all going through grief right now? Possibly, to those who aren’t Liverpool fans. To them, we’ve lost a player. To us, we’ve lost a part of our hearts. Trent has been such an enormous part of this club during his tenure, and now, it feels we’ve lost him.

More than that, we’ve lost to him a club that many deem not worthy. A club we’ve seen recently put out a smear campaign against a referee before a final match, putting that ref and his family in a very precarious position and heightening the risk of violence against him. And in that final, we saw players throwing things at the ref because they didn’t like the call. We saw Antonio Rüdiger having to be held back by several individuals as he shouted at the ref, seemingly intending to cause the ref physical harm had they let him.

That culture, that club, is so counter to everything Liverpool believes in, so watching a player, like Trent, choose to leave Liverpool on a free after so long to go to Madrid is not only difficult to do… it’s difficult to understand.

When you read through the emotional statements of fans about Trent leaving, there are many focused on why… Why leave? Why Madrid? Why now? Why not stay? Why not sign an extension then leave?

Whilst some of these questions are emotionally charged and many are phrased more negatively, what you can pull from them, is that people are trying to understand. People can’t find the reason because they believe Liverpool to be the best in the world. Why would you ever want to leave? And especially when you have Mo Salah and Virgil van Dijk saying there was nowhere else they’d rather be, having the “local lad” seemingly turn his back on his home, makes it harder to understand.

The Stages of Grief

Like anyone working through a change or loss or grief, everyone needs to go through the proper stages to get to acceptance, and everyone experiences and reacts to change/loss/grief differently. Some people process it all quickly, some get stuck, some move forward then slip backward. There’s really not one journey through these stages that matches another.

There are generally 5-7 stages people go through to get to acceptance. The five stages are likely the most known, so we’ll focus on them.

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Denial

Many fans went through this phase long before the announcement. I know that I did. Trent said, “This means more”, and I heard, “This means forever.” I heard him talking about the captaincy, and I thought, “We’ll see him lead here.”

I saw people over a year ago saying no one is ever loyal in reference to Trent, and I argued he’d given us no reason to not believe he’d stay.

But deep down, I always knew there was a risk. I knew that bigger money, bigger names would come for him, but I hoped he wouldn’t be swayed.

When you give your heart to a club, you’re asking it to be broken. Players leave. Managers leave. But the club keeps going. So, the denial of those first two facts is part of the game. We have to believe we’ll have them forever because we love them. Them leaving doesn’t mean they don’t love us back, but it means their life needs to take a different path.

Eventually, accepting that it’s real is the only option. Whilst we haven’t seen the official announcement of Real Madrid. We’ve heard Trent say goodbye.

Anger

The boos, the hate online, and likely other acts of hate I haven’t seen. These are part of the process. Some people deal with anger in a healthy way by recognising it and understanding it’s a natural feeling that needs to be worked on like any other. Others… do not, and unhealthy ways of expressing anger are not acceptable.

One outward (and healthy) way to express their anger is through booing. Whilst boos seem counter to the YNWA culture, they are also a non-violent way to let anger out. They are helping people express these emotions that they are feeling in the moment.

Booing Trent was a way of communicating their displeasure. Boos don’t mean that Trent is walking alone (at least not all of them). Boos mean, “You’ve hurt us. We feel betrayed.” Whilst many may say that’s a dramatic reaction to a footballer leaving, I want you to look at the fans at any final match. No one is emotionless. You see tears of joy or tears of sorrow. You see jumping and screaming and utter distress and numbness. These are all emotional responses to a game… because, in many ways to many people, it’s not just a game.

These eleven+ players and managers and staff bring people hope in times of darkness. There’s a reason there are so many inspirational sports drama movies. Sport has an ability to create a community, and when someone from your community decides to leave, it impacts you.

Do I agree with the boos? No. I don’t think Trent should be booed, but I do understand them. I dealt with my anger quickly, but I—like many on the team—will not tell others how to best express their anger.

I also respect Jürgen Klopp’s view that it is disgraceful. He is an emotional man who has put everything out there for fans to see over the years. He also spent far more time with Trent than any fan has. Listen to his words and consider if there are better ways to express your anger. But find what feels right to you.

But the hate. That is not a healthy way to express your anger. Whilst I will not tell people how to grieve, I will call out hate when I see it. Hate has no place in Liverpool FC. If you feel the need to say something with intention to hurt someone else, don’t. Find a more productive way to work through the anger. Find an outlet. Unfollow, mute, block, etc. whatever you need to get out of that stage. But don’t spread hate. It’s not okay.

Overall, to work through this stage, you have to eventually address why you’re angry, accept it, and move on. It’s not always easy, but you can’t sit in your anger and let it fester.

Bargaining

Yeah. One thing to also remember about these stages is they don’t always go in the order you’d expect.

I’ve seen bargaining happening for a couple years… not just contract negotiations. It comes in the form of what ifs with fans. “What if Virgil leaves and Trent becomes captain?” “What if Trent works more on his defensive side?”

Then they become what wills and what cans. “What will happen when Trent is captain?” “What will make Trent stay?” “What can we do to show him we want him to stay?” “What can change to make him stay?”

The answer to the what cans is simple: nothing. Nothing we could have done would have changed his mind. Trent’s looking for something new. He wants to spread his wings and experience the world in a different way. As someone who is always drawn to change, I can tell you that once Trent was pulled that way, there was nothing short of a major upheaval that could have changed his mind.

To get through this stage, you have to stop trying to figure out the what ifs, what wills and what cans. You have to try to see why he might have see this as his time to go and understand nothing could have changed that.

Depression

I’m going to be honest with you. I’m still teetering a bit between this stage and acceptance. I’ve accepted Trent’s leaving. I know it’s happening. I know nothing will change that. But there have been tears. There have been emotional car rides with sad music playing loudly as I sit in traffic and look a bit deranged.

Depression is a normal part of working through change/loss/grief. We’re losing an important piece in our hearts. We watched him grow up. We watched him grieve. We watched him celebrate. We watched him in awe of this club just as we are.

Losing Trent doesn’t just feel like losing a player because he’s not just a player. He’s one of us. His heart beats with ours and has ever since he was old enough to know Liverpool FC.

That’s why it hurts more. That’s why people feel betrayed. Because like many other things as Liverpool, this means more.

Trent leaving hurts because he means more. He’s (one of) the Scouser(s) on our team. His presence is symbolic of the fans being on that pitch, and without it, the light shines a little less brightly than it did before.

Much like anger, depression needs to be worked on and through in healthy ways. Let out the tears. Let out the pain. But find healthy ways to work through it. Lessen your time on socials. Or follow other stories. Unfollow if you need to right now. You can always follow him back another time.

Saying Goodbye

So, that’s it. As we celebrate this incredible season, it can feel bittersweet. But as it always has, Liverpool Football Club will continue on. Trent leaving is heartbreaking, and there are many emotions tied to him going. But don’t let it dim your joy for this season. This trophy means as so much to the club and the fans.

Remember to keep moving forward. These stages are not a one-way journey. Many people go back and forth before they get to the end. But we always have to keep moving forward to make it through.

We may be saying goodbye to an important person for the club and the community. But would you rather him stay when he wants to be somewhere else? Do you want his heart and mind to be somewhere outside the pitch? No. We have to let him go, and we need to wish him a goodbye.

You don’t have to be happy he’s leaving. You don’t have to be happy where he’s going. But looking at what he’s given us, looking at what we’ve meant to him… those things matter. Don’t lose sight of the positives because of the dark clouds. Because at the end of this storm, there will still be a golden sky.